Cold hands, warm shart.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
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