So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
