Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Randomize
