I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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