So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
