In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
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