pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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