can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Randomize
