TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Randomize