I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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