every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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