he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Floor bacon is actually really good
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
