come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Randomize
