She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
We talked him into tasing himself.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Randomize
