there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
