Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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