dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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