Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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