R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
