At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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