my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
We talked him into tasing himself.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Randomize
