Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
