I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
He passed out mid-signature
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
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