So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
