I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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