Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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