How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
