fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Randomize
