i don't like sucking hair
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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