and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
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