I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
