You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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