we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
