Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
