On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
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