Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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