She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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