I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
if only i could text you this smell
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Randomize
