i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
