just tell him i said nine months
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
