don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Alive.
So much puke
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
