he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
