All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
