Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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