just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Randomize
