Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I think weed is turning my hair brown
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
