he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize