Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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