I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
