I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize