Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
