Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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