i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
