Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
