I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
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