Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
