my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
