Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
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