White coat. Heels.
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
