ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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