If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
