my room smells like sperm. sweet.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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