It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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