I want to have your abortion
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Please don't give away my fajitas
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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