i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
