Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
